Have you ever wondered what you were doing with your art?
Have you ever wondered if you should change medium or craft?
Or have you ever wondered whether or not you should give up on art completely?
Don’t worry because I’ve been in the exact same boat for a little while but I think the black clouds are lifting.
For as long as I can remember; I’ve always had a fascination with art in general, mostly due to not understanding many of the other subjects in school but also because it was exciting and fun to explore different types from craft, design, theatre, dance, music and film. I’ve always called myself an ‘artist’ and see myself as a creative yet I’ve feel like I don’t create much art; am I a fraud or am I still finding my niche? I think the answer is yes to both but that could be the negativity setting in. Worst own critic syndrome. That and the anxiety of failing hits me pretty now and again
What if I’m not good enough? What if people hate it? What if it doesn’t work out? Etc. etc. etc. You can get pretty exhausted just even thinking about it
I also don’t know what I want to pursue anymore- it feels like theater and film are slowly going nowhere and I’m scared that I’m too far gone to start again in a new art venture and even if I did; what would I do and most importantly where would I start? I think that’s another thing; have I actually learned anything in terms of creating/producing work? I honestly don’t know so how to start again. I apologize for all rhetorical questions also. I just in a mess right trying to figure it all out and sure that’s what this year abroad is about I suppose. Maybe I will go home and want a brand new career or vocation or maybe I’ll want to try something new.
I suppose I need to ask myself: What type of artist do I want to be?
What type of art do I want to create and
Can I realistically make a living from it?
So many fun questions to answer and I am trying to give myself time to find it out but I’m scared I will miss opportunities and chances if I don’t make a decision now! Stuck in between a rock and a hard place yet that’s probably how most people go through in their twenties. Sometimes I enjoy getting lost and staying lost but most of the time I just wonder: am I on the right path or making any progress at all?
I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
Crisis…fading, stay tuned.