I’ve been writing away this year and scribble stuff down in my journal and recently I’ve been feeling more and more removed from my American experience. I’m not sure why maybe it’s due to Being homesick or lost in the millennial/ graduate crisis. Basically I feel like an alien.
I’ve been feeling like this hard this week so I decided to try my hand at poetry to express myself.
‘I am not your Alien,
I am not your Immigrant,
I am not your subordinate,
but I am different.
My voice, my accent, my speech, my clothes, my gestures and my body language might be different but they are not strange.
I am different from you, I may be foreign but I am not your alien.
You may look at me funny,
You may not understand what I say or my logic but we are more similar than you think.
Yes, I am awkward but I am no alien, I am just different.
I came to this place in search of a home. Others have come to make this place a home so why not me, why am I not accepted. I am ‘welcomed’ but never feeling welcomed.
Eyes stare at me from all corners.
A mix of confusion and judgement spread across their faces and I feel alienated but I am no alien.
The looks never stop.
The repetition, the re-pronunciation, the rephrasing of speech never stops.
The loneliness never stops.
I just want to feel like I belong, like I am apart of something, a community, a collective, just something bigger than myself.
I do not want to feel like an alien. That is not who I am but I feel like it’s now a part of my identity. This new identity. I am frustrated by this new identity. Expression is questioned with doubt.
Do I stay or do I go back to my home planet?
I miss being understood. I miss being greeted. I miss sharing experiences with family and friends, not strangers. Not others who treat me like an alien.
But it is me who is the other,
It is me who is the stranger to them.
I am not their equal yet we are made of the same components. The same parts just different paint.
But they don’t understand, the stares continue. I feel like I have alienated myself as well, not wanting to engage with foreign culture anymore in fear of further judgement. I am also tired of being a spectacle, a fool, a commodity for the others.
And I hope this feeling won’t last for long.
I am a human being.
I am not your alien.’